Young Writers Society

This is a short essay I wrote a while back for a persuasion assignment. The subject matter may be a bit different than that of other essays you have read...

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“A Single Offense”

A typical public building stands at a typical public intersection. Inside, visitors see typical ballpoint pens, water fountains, and… single-ply bathroom tissue.

As one of those ordinary janitorial supplies, rolls upon rolls of this paper are found in every custodian’s closet in America. ‘It’s cheap,’ facilities managers proffer when asked why they deliberately purchase such an item.

While truth certainly lies in this argument, what sacrifices do the building managers make in customer satisfaction, just by attempting to save a small sum of money on bathroom tissue?

For every customer who uses single-ply while in a building, do any feel truly content with it? After all, does bathroom tissue actually serve a purpose if it disintegrates at a touch or a slight office breeze? Upon seeing the tissue in a retail store, offended customers may simply storm out, leaving that plasma television still for sale and the salesman without a commission. Perhaps employees, after using a better grade of bathroom tissue, could develop a new sense of goodwill and empathy for the customer or patron.

As a student and a human being for several years now, I have witnessed in educational institutions, firsthand, the dilemma of single-ply bathroom tissue. Scholars who felt compelled to use an appropriate amount of paper wielded entire rolls, culminating in a sodden mess. I feel this demonstrated inadequacy of single-ply bathroom tissue serves as ample evidence in my case.

While ecologists attempt incessantly to persuade the populace in the virtues of fewer plies, research and experience indicate that there is no substantive evidence to support this theory.

In a recent exit poll conducted at a local high school, responders unanimously agreed on the most terrible nature of single-ply bathroom tissue and feel that Congress should address this quality of life tissue.

We must prevent the industry of paper manufacturers from selling this deplorable creation. Our children should not be subjected to the cruelty of a one-ply world!

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I bet you didn't know I cared so much about toilet paper, did you? : )